My name is Dana and this is my first blog. So...this is about my life after the death of my daughter. I'm hoping that other parents who have lost children will read this and know that they are not alone.
First off, I should start by talking about my story.
My boyfriend and I were given the most beautiful gift in the world on September 26. 2010. A little girl we named Lila Anne. She was precious and beautiful in every way imaginable. Some days we would come home early or skip out on things we were supposed to do just to cuddle with her and give her hugs and kisses. We wanted nothing more than for her to be safe and healthy. We did everything we could to make that happen. We protected her in every way we possibly could. We couldn't protect her from sudden infant death syndrome. She died February 17th 2011 while she was taking a nap at daycare.
Despite having to pick my boyfriend up from work, we beat the ambulance to the hospital. Stop lights, speed limits, and medians meant nothing to me. When we got there, I told the receptionist that our daughter was at the hospital, she had just come in an ambulance, and she was 5 months old. She didn't know what I was talking about because Lila hadn't arrived yet. Not even a minute later a nurse came up from the back room, where the ambulances come in, and hugged us. She brought us to a waiting room and told us that it didn't look good. About five minutes later a doctor came in and told us "we aren't going to be able to save your baby." Part of us died inside. How could this happen? We did everything right. We loved her more than anything. She can't be gone.
We held her hand while they stopped CPR.
Sharon, our daycare provider, was in hysterics. She told us how sorry she was and we hugged her and told her it wasn't her fault. She was (and still is) the only daycare lady I would ever trust with my child. She had placed Lila to sleep, on her back, in a crib with only a receiving blanket over her (it was winter...in Minnesota...my husband and I had usually put her to sleep in a heavy blanket). Lila always rolled in her sleep, so she had found her on her tummy. There was nothing she could have done.
We donated her heart valves so that her death would mean that another baby could live. We had her cremated and her ashes are now worn around both mine and my now husband's necks as well as on the very top shelf of her own curio cabinet. The cabinet is stuffed full of her favorite toys, blankets, books, and stuffed animals. We have yet to read the book "The Next Place" that was given to us at the hospital when she died.
I started The Northland SIDS Foundation in an effort to find what causes SIDS and raise awareness.
This is my story.