Today I feel better. I got a new job and my husband has the day off. We can finally spend some much needed time together. I'm still a little stressed out about my homework but I know that I will get it done. In the mean time, I am going to spend some quality time with my little boy and my husband.
I want to cherish the times when I feel okay, because I know the there will be many more times when I am not okay.
When I went in for my interview this morning, the gal that was hiring me asked about The Northland SIDS Foundation and if I had anyone I knew who had lost a baby from SIDS. I am usually okay with people asking me about SIDS and my daughter, but for some reason I started tearing up. She felt really bad about asking me and I felt really stupid because I was pretty much crying in my interview. She said that she knew some other people who had children who died from SIDS as well. I feel much better when other people understand that it's hard. It's always hard. It's forever hard. There is just nothing comparable to losing a child. Every day is different. Somedays I feel like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest, if I had only not brought her to daycare that day, if I had only picked her up early, if I had only...and some days I feel okay.