DAY 9

I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've written. I have been busy and depressed, which usually doesn't happen to me. Usually if I keep myself busy, I feel better, not worse. I'm so excited for Christmas. I already got my holiday shopping done (except for stocking stuffers). I know my family doesn't read this so I can say what I got them :) All year my husband has been whining that he wants a PS3 even though we already have like four XBOX360's....but anyway, I've been dying to tell someone what I got him and so I will tell you! I got him his precious PS3 on sale, black friday, for $200 in a bundle with 2 games. I'm pumped. I know that he is going to be so happy, even if he doesn't show it. He's not very good at showing emotions.

I worked on black friday from midnight to eight in the morning. It was awesome. I fell asleep standing up (at bath and body works). I was doing awesome on the floor and loving sales, and then I got put in the stock room, which I didn't love so much, but it was ok. Anyway, I loved working black friday and then when I went to go home (my dad was picking me up so I didn't have to drive) my dad was like "I'm not taking you home until I sit and drink coffee at barnes and nobles for an hour". Fun stuff....

So on top of everything I still have school and James is teething so he's crabby and tired and in pain all the time and I feel awful because there's nothing I can do to help him. I'm thinking of taking the semester off in the spring. I've just been so depressed and upset and moody and I just need to concentrate on my school work and I can't do that when I have to motivate myself to get out of bed in the morning. On top of that, school starts in february and that's the one year of our daughter's death. I know I'm not going to be in any shape to concentrate on school. My mom is convinced that I am God's gift to this earth and I can do everything at once but I really can't. She was upset when I told her that I wanted to at least cut back on my classes next semester because this is just getting too hard for me to do with work and school and baby and I just miss my daughter all the time and I feel like she doesn't understand. I know she doesn't know what it's like to lose a child, and I'm glad that she doesn't because no one should have to know what that feels like, but she needs to let me do what's best for me and what I feel is best for me at this time is taking a semester off. I love going to school and I love my classes and I know I'm going to go back and take more classes in the summer but for now, I just need a break.

I could not get through any of this without my husband. I love him so much and I honestly don't know if I could have gotten through any of this without him. I know that everyone thinks he's a dick, and sometimes he is, ...a lot of times he is, but he is also the most wonderful person I can always talk to. He's my best friend, my shoulder to lean on, and my most of all my support beam. He's always there for me and I just wanted to say that. He can still be a dick sometimes though... :)

Just so you all know, we are starting to plan our walk to end SIDS which will be held in the Miller Hill Mall in Duluth MN on April 14, 2012. It's our second walk and we are hoping for a really great turn out. Please visit our website for The Northland SIDS Foundation to find out more about our organization and what we are doing to help end SIDS!